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Insidious Events In the Caverns Beneath American Airlines Center E-mail
Written by Rob Mahoney   
Tuesday, 18 November 2008 22:53

Scene: An underground cavern, marked by both darkness and fire.  A round stone platform bearing various archaic symbols bears a large altar, draped with red cloth.  A cloaked figure stands alone, removes the hood that masked his face, and thrusts his hands into the air.

Jason Terry: SUBJECTS OF THE STALLION GOD...ASSEMBLE!

Dirk Nowitzki, Josh Howard, Brandon Bass, Erick Dampier, Jason Kidd, Jerry Stackhouse, and Gerald Green appear, seemingly emerging from nothingness with only a puff of smoke to act as a doorway to another, darker world.

All: Yes, prophet.

Terry: Today is a glorious day, followers, the day foretold in THE PROPHECY!: Ye who are plagued by the bane of complacency, will find life anew in the ashes of Rockets three.  Brothers, it is OUR TIME!

All: HOO-HAH!

Head Trainer Casey Smith: [Enters through hidden doorway.] Actually, guys, T-Mac's the only one with a real injury.  I mean Yao and Artest are probably still going to be-

Terry: SILENCE, FOOL! [Terry hurls a javelin at Casey Smith, piercing him through the stomach.  Smith falls backwards...into a pit of fire.  His screams can be heard.]

Terry: The gods have smiled upon us, friends!  The planets have aligned and the stars rest in our favor.  The prophets of old will do us no wrong!  I summon you, Brother Josh, soothsayer of the Brotherhood, to lend us the talents bestowed upon you by Haruspices past!  Read us the entrails of the sacrificial sheep!

Josh Howard: ...man, this shit is gross.

...

Jason Terry: BROTHER JOSH, WHAT SAY YOU?

Josh: Ugh, man...[*squish*]...aww...it says you're right.  Yeah.

Mark Cuban enters.

Mark Cuban: Hey, JET, I'm gonna need that sheep back.  Something kinda came up and I'm a little strapped for -- [Mark sees the sacrificed sheep.] -- oh, COME ON!

Howard: ...my bad.

Terry: Pay no mind, friends!  Tomorrow is the day our fate is realized!  TOMORROW WE RIDE UPON THE WINGS OF THE BASKETBALL GODS THEMSELVES INTO GLORIOUS BATTLE, AND WE WILL STAND VICTORIOUS!

Mavs at Rockets, 8:00 EST on Nov. 19th.

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